2023 comment ficathon: fills + commentary

[pantomimes]

FILLS
# of fills: 3
# of words written: 2.440

bleeding out, then it was done ⋆ snsd, jessica/tiffany, 585w
cool about it ⋆ wjsn, bona/dawon, 655w
doomsday (death of me) ⋆ snsd, yoona/seohyun, 1.2k

COMMENTARY
💔 bleeding out, then it was done
🏷️ canon compliant...?

→ overall

the party ended god knows how many years ago and she's still here... actually i wasn't even there for the actual party (guy who became a sone a few months after jessica left the group) so imagine how i feel. i knew from the moment i found out about this ficathon that i wanted to write snsd, and that i wanted to write Sad Stuff, so i thought why not start with tragic ass JETI?!?? i know that a lot is said about taengsic and that the girlies go insane for them but to me jeti will always be the biggest tragedy from the whole jessica leaving snsd ordeal... never forget what they took from you...

→ line by line (i actually don't have a lot to say about this one lol)

"I want more than this, Jessica," Tiffany would say, and Jessica didn't need to face her to know her eyes were sparkling, putting the stars shining outside their window to shame. "I can see it all."

my beautiful beautiful hungry girl... one out of the million things i love about tiffany is how ambitious and brave she is (going to korea on her own at age 15????) but she's not, like, the type to destroy other people on her way up. she's more the type to want to take you all the way up with her, if that makes sense? stereotypical leo that is so confident in herself that she has no problem showering other people with praise and love and kindness too, which takes us to...

They remain in silence for a while until Tiffany, vulnerably and shaky this time, asks, "You'll be there for me, right? When it happens?"

"What are you talking about?" Jessica groaned and rolled her eyes, annoyed that Tiffany even considered a future where she wouldn't be by her side every step of the way, even if she'd have to swim across the ocean to get to her. "Of course I will. Idiot."

the tragedy of it all. tiffany (girl who wants the people she loves to be up there with her, wants them to shine together) and jessica (girl who is in love with tiffany and would do anything for her) (same) in all of their 18 year old innocence really believed that would be it. tiffany would grow up, and she'd become a soloist and be famous and sell out tickets, and jessica would see it all, right by her side. but instead she's no longer in the group and they haven't seen each other in years and they'll never be friends again. and tbh she kind of hates her, but how could she not miss her?

She tore the wound open again, anyway—unspoken confessions of love dripping from her skin, spreading red all over her pristine, white floors.

i'm obsessed with blood and blood metaphors. what can i say.

✰
🍲 cool about it
🏷️ canon compliant, complicated relationships, jealousy...?

→ overall

when i saw the prompt i knew i wanted to write something about different popularity levels, but it took me a while to gain the courage to do it because i'm kind of iffy about it. not about reading fanfics with this topic, because trust me i love them, but i never wrote something with this vibe before. in the end i sucked it up and decided to give it a try anyway... and that was the result. not the best thing ever but definitely a start, which is good. i guess.

→ line by line (i also don't have a lot to say... sorry)

When Jiyeon invites Dawon to have lunch with her for the third time that month, she can’t find it in herself to say no again.

this didn't make the fic but i kept envisioning dawon agonizing as she ignores jiyeon because of her mixed feelings towards her and luda just being like, are you a fucking idiot. just GO.

They probably have no idea who she is, that she spent years dancing on the stage right by actress Kim Jiyeon’s side. That the woman who has the entire country in the palm of her hands once cried in her arms on a summer evening, small and vulnerable and insecure, saying I don’t think I can do this, Dawon-ah. What if they don’t like me?

writing that first part made me SICK TO MY STOMACH... but the fic wouldn't make sense without some lines Like That, so. also, about the whole jiyeon crying in dawon's arms... listen. i know it's extremely unbelievable and borderline ooc but it was purely for the vibes, okay?!?? i was going to add something about how "jiyeon was crying in dawon's arms instead of sojung's for once" but it still felt insane... so i thought you know what? fuck it.

“Not right now, no,” Jiyeon shrugs, then she tilts her head and grins, places her warm hands on top of Dawon’s cold ones. Dawon knows she’s unworthy of that attention, that thousands of people would set the world on fire to receive the touch of a goddess, but she doesn’t move. She missed her, despite everything. By God, she missed her. “Tell me, how have you been?”

"we don't have to talk about it / i can walk you home and practice method acting" "and everybody's watching her but she's looking at you" type shit... jiyeon clearly knows about how dawon feels about her, even the ugly/jealous parts, and she's actively trying to act like there's not this weird tension between them because she doesn't want to make dawon (even more) uncomfortable. if that's what it takes to spend time with dawon than that's fine for her... maybe jiyeon likes dawon even more than dawon likes her?

✰
💀 doomsday (death of me)
🏷️ actresses!au, situationships, friends (?) with benefits

→ overall

just like cool about it, the second i saw the prompt i knew what i wanted to write about: a toxic and sort of ambiguous relationship. and mixing that with the fact that i'm going through the worst snsd brainrot ever you get: toxic yoonhyun. also, i love seohyun's personality more than anything in the world, so it was easy to pick which one of the two i wanted write as the main character. plus yoona is a little shit (affectionate) so this whole situation was easy to visualize lol.

→ line by line

“You should pick up smoking,” Hyoyeon says jokingly, takes one last drag before she abandons the cigarette in the ashtray. “It will be good for you.”

Seohyun, without missing a beat, declares, “That thing will kill you.”

obvious reference to seohyun straight up telling multiple snsd members they'll DIE for their terrible eating habits. i thought it would be fun to incorporate this into the fic but in a different (depressing instead of straight up hilarious lol) way.

Which is ironic, Seohyun realizes later, when Yoona approaches her like a fox lured by the smell of her prey, claiming she forgot her chapstick and needed to borrow hers. She knew it was a lie, a cheap excuse to get close to her, but still. She decided to play Yoona’s game, just for one night.

i really like this part because that's when i start playing with the ambiguous part of their relationship: has yoona tried this before? did something happen between them? were there feelings involved? if there were, was there ever a conversation about it?

“I’ve been wanting this for so long,” Yoona confesses later, when her face is between Seohyun’s legs, the victorious grin dancing on her lips confirming her words. Seohyun doesn’t tell her anything back—barely has time to, because Yoona dives in and she forgets she needs to wake up at five in the morning, forgets she has to film with the asshole she calls a co-star, forgets she shouldn’t be giving herself to Yoona like this.

i also like this part so much, especially the beginning because yoona says she's been wanting this for a long time instead of you. which wouldn't be a big deal to other people, but it is to seohyun. like mentioned before, she decided to play "yoona's game" for once, which means that one-night stands isn't something she's used to. also, the asshole co-star... if you know you know. yes, it's a reference to That Thing. "does that whole situation still drive you insane with rage lettie?" YES IT DOES. IT ALWAYS WILL.

Pretty, polite, polished. She’ll be fine. She always is.

you wanna know what i kept envisioning while i wrote this part? this. i love seohyun so much man... best istj in the whole world.

It would always happen at group gatherings—Yuri’s birthday, the premiere of Sooyoung’s new movie, Taeyeon and Tiffany’s wedding. Yoona never invited Seohyun over to her apartment, or to the movies, or anything like that. It was as if they were complete strangers the second their friends weren’t around.

back to the ambiguous relationship bullshit. were they ever friends, like real friends, or are they just in the same friend group? what happened, for the love of god?!!???

yoona • 11:12 pm
yah
are you out of your mind?
seohyun-ah
how could i?
how could i ever?

also wanted to talk a little bit about yoona's message because... oh my god... does she actually CARE? is she drunk and allowing herself to be slightly vulnerable? or is she just being her little shit self and not taking the situation seriously, thinking seohyun will come back for her the second she asks? guess we'll never know...

✰
FINAL THOUGHTS
i love me a chance to write shortfic freely so i couldn't let the opportunity pass when i saw this ficathon. really glad i participated and that i managed to fill not just one, but three prompts! there were other prompts that caught my attention but unfortunately i failed to produce anything inspired by them ;_; still happy with the final result regardless! if you made it this far, thanks for reading!