life in fic (2012-2023)

[pantomimes]

♡
me, waking up in the middle of the night, sweating and panting: what if you collected data about every single fic you’ve written since age 11 for no fucking reason and drove yourself insane while you're at it?

✍️ OVERVIEW

2012

# of words: 14.988
# of fics: 5
# of fandoms: 1 (glee)

2013

# of words: 6.560
# of fics: 2
# of fandoms: 1 (redacted)

2014

# of words: 20.456
# of fics: 2
# of fandoms: 2 (redacted, redacted)

2015

# of words: 12.457
# of fics: 6
# of fandoms: 3 (little mix, snsd, red velvet)

2016

# of words: 2.875
# of fics: 6
# of fandoms: 3 (blackpink, gugudan wjsn)

2017

# of words: 54.741
# of fics: 48
# of fandoms: 14 (Twice, GFRIEND, Oh My Girl, Pristin, WJSN, Gugudan, CLC, Loona, Dreamcatcher, Lovelyz, ELRIS, Red Velvet, Blackpink, DIA)

2018

# of words: 39.736
# of fics: 19
# of fandoms: 8 (Loona, Gugudan, WJSN, CLC, GFRIEND, (G)I-Dle, IZ*ONE, Fromis_9)

2019

# of words: 42.681
# of fics: 12
# of fandoms: 2 (itzy, wjsn)

2020

# of words: 66.777
# of fics: 5
# of fandoms: 2 (itzy, dreamcatcher)

2021

# of words: 27.112
# of fics: 6
# of fandoms: 4 (ITZY, WJSN, Blackpink, Nevertheless)

2022

# of words: 7.523
# of fics: 1
# of fandoms: 2 (ITZY, WJSN)

2023

# of words: 7.828
# of fics: 4
# of fandoms: 1 (WJSN)

OVERALL

# of words: 303.734
# of fics: 113
# of fandoms: 24

💭 COMMENTARY

before october 2018 i used to write in my first language, aka brazilian portuguese, so unfortunately i can't share them because no one will understand shit of what i wrote. not like anyone wants to read what i wrote between ages 11-17, anyway.

i actually started to write fanfic in 2011, but due to the fact that i have little to no access to what i used to write back then i decided to not include it. maybe it's for the best because i was literally 10 when i started writing fic lol.

the fact that i never wrote apink fic is outrageous considering they were one of the groups i used to read the most when i first started liking kpop. actually i think the only group i used to read more than apink was snsd? wild.

300k+ words of girls kissing each other in the mouth. what am i, gay?

✰
✍️ RANKINGS
fandoms by # of fics

1. wjsn: 29
2. loona: 14
3. itzy: 13
4. pristin: 11
5. dreamcatcher, twice, glee: 5
6. gfriend, gugudan: 4
7. snsd, red velvet, blackpink, lovelyz, oh my girl: 3

pairings by # of fics

1. exy/seola (wjsn) : 7
2. exy/soobin, seola/soobin (wjsn) : 4
3. roa/yuha, eunwoo/kyulkyung, nayoung/kyulkyung (pristin), brittany/santana (glee) : 3
4. luda/eunseo(wjsn), lia/ryujin, lia/chaeryeong, ryujin/chaeryeong (itzy), eunha/sinb (gfriend), rachel/quinn (glee): 2

characters by # of fics (as part of the main pairing only)

1. exy (wjsn): 10
2. seola (wjsn): 8
3. soobin (wjsn), lia (itzy): 7

tags top 10

1. angst
2. friends to lovers
3. canon compliant
4. fluff
5. fantasy
6. established relationship
7. unrequited love
8. secret relationship
9. hurt/comfort
10. friends with benefits

💭 COMMENTARY

to no one's surprise, wjsn is the fandom i've written most fic for. it's a pretty low number considering the fact that i've been writing for them since 2016, but that's only because the amount of dead wjsn wips i have is astronomical.

it's ironic (and it's also kind of killing my vibe) that loona is so high because 1. i'm no longer in the fandom and 2. the last fic i wrote about them was before ot12 debut. not to mention that i stopped liking most of the ships loona ships i wrote about around a month after i did, so there's that. proud of the yveseul i managed to write, tho. itzy fighting, you'll rise to number two soon.

i'm gonna be honest and admit i didn't add a few pairings/characters i've written a considerable amount for because i'm snsd - lazy girl.mp3. sorry.

✍️ SPECIFICS
categories by # of fics

f/f: 108
gen: 5
f/m: 0
m/m: 1

ratings by # of fics

e: 4
m: 5
t: 70
g: 34

movies/shows/mvs that inspired fics

age of youth (2016)
imagine me and you (2005)
dreams come true by wjsn (2018)
reply 1988 (2015)
marvel cinematic universe (2008-)

songs that have been used as the title or inspired a fic (scroll down to see the rest!)

rock me - 1d
you and i - 1d
summer love - 1d
how to get the girl - taylor swift
je t'aime - oh my girl
street - gugudan
monster - bigbang (pd101 version tho)
come by here - girls' day
because of you - after school
plop plop - wjsn
delight - yoo jiae
shooting star - lovelyz
how to be a pretty girl - lovelyz
fly high - dreamcatcher
we like - pristin
butterfly - bts
laura palmer - bastille
sonatine - loona
over again - 1d
old habits die hard - allie x
new - yves
dreams come true - wjsn
love drunk - little mix
time for the moon night - gfriend
euphoria - jungkook
tattooed heart - ariana grande
glow - stray kids
superstar - marina
my star - mamamoo
goodbye to romance - sunny hill
ease - troye sivan
breathe - ab6ix
snowball - gugudan
12 o'clock - chungha
some - soyou & junggigo
you are in love - taylor swift
lights up - wjsn
jazz bar - dreamcatcher
fallin - lovelyz
bubblegum bitch - marina
'tis the damn season - taylor swift
as you wish - wjsn
white roses - charli xcx
untouched - the veronicas
everything i wanted - billie eilish
first love / late spring - mitski
enchanted - taylor swift
labyrinth - taylor swift
sugar rush ride - txt

💭 COMMENTARY

no bond stronger than the one between a lesbian writer and her emotional support one direction songs. to this day i still listen to a lot of 1d when i'm writing, which fucks up my lastfm stats every single year, but i can't bring myself to stop. listening to 1d while i write will always make me feel safe and inspired, i think.

number of explicit and mature fics, you will rise. #trust.

✍️ WIPS
fandoms by # of wips (with at least 500 words)

1. wjsn: 42
2. itzy: 31
3. dreamcatcher: 9
4. izone, loona: 6
5. pristin, twice, aespa: 5
6. crossovers: 4
7. gidle, clc, gugudan: 2
8. red velvet, nine muses, dia, oh my girl, weki meki, gfriend, cherry bullet, blackpink, stayc, mcu, the9: 1

pairings by # of wips (with at least 500 words)

1. lia/ryujin (itzy): 10
2. exy/seola, dawon/yeonjung (wjsn): 8
3. yeji/lia (itzy): 7
4. lia/chaeryeong (itzy): 5
5. jiu/siyeon (dreamcatcher), ryujin/yeji (itzy), chaewon/minju (izone): 4
6. bona/luda, exy/seola/soobin (wjsn), yves/kim lip (loona): 3
7. yeonjung/yeoreum, exy/soobin, exy/bona, seola/soobin, dawon/meiqi, xuanyi/bona (wjsn), yeji/lia/ryujin, ryujin/chaeryeong (itzy), jiu/sua/siyeon (dreamcatcher), nayeon/mina (twice), karina/giselle (aespa), eunbi/sakura (izone): 2

💭 COMMENTARY

only an insane person would have this amount of unfinished wjsn wips. this number frustrates me so bad because i think about some of these to this day, and not being able to share my ideas with everyone sucks. not gonna lie, i probably have over 100k words of unfinished wjsn stories :(

justice for meboz. why do i always write 5k about them and then writers block hit? this is outrageous. how is it 2024 and i only have a silly 1k fic about them on my ao3...

every ryeji wip i have is from 2019, as well as the one (1) fic i published about this pairing. not to sound like a hater but you'll never see me on that tag again, unless i'm writing ryejisu, of course. i have my reasons, god bless.

speaking of never seeing me on a tag, i think that's what's going to happen with aespa. when they debuted i was convinced i was going to publish a bunch of aespa fic, but my interest died as the fandom grew. i really can't function on a fandom where one ship is absurdly more popular than the others and every other dynamic, no matter how good, gets ignored or defined as "platonic and nothing else" (stares at ningrina). i would probably die from frustration out there... kariselle writers you are stronger than god and i salute you.

wow why did the wip commentary section suddenly become haterism time. anyway, having to add meiwon to this list makes me want to die. i'll end it here.

✍️ MISC
writing playlists through the years

2018, march ↓

2019, march ↓

2019, august ↓

2021, july ↓

2022, june ↓

2023, april ↓

2024, february ↓ (work in progress)

i am very annoying about my writing playlists, as in i'll abandon them the second one of the songs start to sound weird to me or they simply don't inspire me anymore, instead of just removing them from the playlist like a normal person. which means i have an insane amount of writing playlists, but this section would become too long if i added every single one of them, so i chose the "main ones". the "the writer" one was there for me when no one else was, truly...

✍️ INTROSPECTION
writing in a language that doesn't belong to me
as i mentioned before, i spent a long time writing fic in my first language. it was great, sure, but after a while i started becoming very frustrated by it. not with the fics or the feedback perse since i had quite a large following in the website i used to write on before ao3, it's more like... a very insistent urge to expand my horizons? i started reading a lot of fic in english when i first got into kpop because there were a lot more than in portuguese (browsing various corners of the internet for livejournal fics at age fourteen, anyone?), and as time went by i knew i wanted to give ao3 a try, too. it wasn't easy, though.

i started learning english by myself when i was around nine or ten, which was when i discovered what fandom was. i had a good grasp before, but my english started to improve a lot more after i got into kpop. there were little to no variety shows subbed in portuguese other than weekly idol, so i had no choice but to watch reality shows with eng sub. then the fics came, stan twt came, and that road led me to abandon that other website and migrate to ao3. i'm not gonna lie, it was absolute hell at first. i was insecure to the point where i would start shaking while i was attempting to write... what the fuck! but even though i was a nervous little writer that was clearly assassinating the english language in her first few ao3 fics, people were always very kind and supportive of me. that support and my conviction that i was going to get good at writing in english no matter what were essential for me to, you know... [gestures vaguely towards my ao3 and my twitter account] and i'll always be proud of myself for not giving up, despite everything. i'm not perfect yet and don't know if i'll ever be, but the improvement is crazy...

the seasons change and so do i
i talked about it a little bit during the commentary sections, but my preferences changed a lot. which is expected, considering how long i've been writing fics, but i still want to talk about them a little bit. here are a few things i noticed:

i used to write a lot of high school fics while i was actually in middle/high school. i was around nineteen/twenty when i wrote my last one, aka my singji reply 1988 au. i don't think i'll ever write a high school au again.

the fact that i wrote more angst than fluff kind of caught me by surprise, but as i was collecting number i noticed i used to write a lot of angst back in 2017/2018. i clearly still love to write angst, even more than i did back then, i think. i also noticed i have the habit to write more happy/hopeful fics when i hit rock bottom. don't even know what to think or say about this realization, lmfao...

fantasy ;_; i was very surprised to see that fantasy still made the top 10 even though i've written little to no fantasy fics ever since i switched languages. brazilian fandom is much more inclined to fantasy fics than intl fandom, which is a shame because that's when my writing shined the most.

loona and pristin still being so high (no pun intended) in the fandom list makes me feel so irritable. not because of the groups or the members, but it's more because it's a reminder of terrible things. such as loona fandom making the most ridiculous doc "exposing" fic writers and attempting to literally kick them out of the fandom (which i was not included in, don't worry. i never wrote loona fic in english, and one thing about brazilian fans is that they don't give a fuck if you're writing rpf or not) and, you know, the demise of pristin.

friends to lovers is something i've always written and probably always will, but friends with benefits wouldn't have made the top 10 before my migration to ao3, so cheers to that! please look forward to more ao3 user somniums fwb-isms.

you've got to be what tomorrow needs

"goals" for the future

hiding this because it might be a little boring/not fit a lot with the post, but i still wanted to include it!

+ write more main character luda. i think i've said this a million times, but i love writing her because we have really similar personalities, but i still think my luda voice can improve a little bit. if i watch more of her stuff/read some more interviews/scroll through her bubble her messages i'll be able to nail it, i think.

+ write more idy fic... everytime i open my ao3 and see not a single dayoung pairing fic there i start to shake and cry and throw up, this is not okay. it will be fixed, promise. (99z messy fwb fic, maybe? wait. i am thinking.)

+ i want to write fics based on every song from the new writing playlist i linked earlier, but if i had to choose one song out of all of them it would be the sailor song by autoheart. this song pulls at my heartstrings in ways that cannot be described-unless i do it through a fic. "i was your sailor, your demon, your lover / your overbearing best friend / hoping for some attention" KILLS MEEEEEE. so i'm saving it for when i have an idea that makes this song justice, i don't want to waste such an important, precious thing on Any Fic, you know? (it will probably be a 2jung fic, who am i kidding.)

+ talking about 2jung, can i please just finish a fucking 2jung fic and not let it rot on my google docs once it hits 6k this year? i'm sick and tired of this.

+ snsd fic is a must this year. if i don't write a taeny until dec 31 fic please punch me on the face, i'll deserve it.

+ crossover fics! not even just f/f but also gen ones, i keep thinking about chu sojung, choi seungcheol, jeon soyeon and kim hongjoong being a rap group. don't know if anyone else will understand my vision, but i know one (1) friend will have my back and that's all that matters. but as for the f/f ones... wujushidae [GUNSHOTS]. i keep thinking about this au me and my friend made for fun that had taeyeon/bona, seohyun/exy and yuri/seola and feeling a bit more insane each time we come up with something new for it.

+ word count wise... i don't really have any wc goals anymore. it would be fun to write something longer than 5k but i don't know, it doesn't bother me to write short fics as much as it did in the past. there's beauty in short things, too.

+ can kpop rpf please unhand me and let me write about tv show/movie lesbians too, please?

lights they blind me, can we go back?
aka, brief list of stuff i wrote in portuguese and would like to write again, but in a slightly different way and in english:

eunlu dreams come true au: i don't know if i'd rewrite it as eunlu, mostly because whenever i think of dreams come true mv now i think about that scene where yeonjung and juyeon look at each other in the bridge and feel like my guts are being ripped apart, but the story was basically this: soulmate au, luda and juyeon would meet every night in their dreams, but they couldn't see each other faces, no matter how hard they tried. each time they would attempt to look the dream would end. i'm not a huge fan of soulmate aus anymore, but dct mv will always mean the world to me, so i think it would be fun to revisit this plot. also, tmi: this is the longest wjsn fic i published to this day... and i wrote it in one day, right after the teaser for dct dropped. insane to think about.

yulti canon compliant: my first EVER kpop fic, so of course it means a lot to me even though it's silly and i wrote it when i was fourteen. it's a very short fic, a little over 1k, and it's basically tiffany getting drunk and confessing to yuri. i would like to write this again but expanding the story beyond just one full scene, adding a few of their real moments into the mix, etc.

nakyulwoo because of you by after school canon compliant: nayoung and eunwoo are in love with jieqiong and both of them are aware of it. they make a promise to never make a move on jieqiong in order to not ruin their friendship (and group dynamics), but one day eunwoo catches nayoung making out with jieqiong and everything goes to shit. there's a lot of unspoken tension (aka, love) between nayoung and eunwoo, and they don't get together in the fic, but it's obviously building up to a poly situation. i'd adapt it to another ot3 because i'm not about to open old wounds, not sure which one though. (i have a ryejisu wip with a similar premise to this one, so probably them. or 2jungbin, because i'm not normal about these three.) i read this fic again and not only it's very well written but also extremely somniums coded. seventeen year old lettie knew Some Stuff, clearly.

xiejin (anyone else a recovering danjjak?) flower shop slice-of-life au: thinking about this fic makes my heart so warm ;_; it was basically xiening moving from china to korea, feeling lonely and weird about it, until she meets sojin. there's a lot of flower metaphor as well as communication through flowers and their meanings, which i love. i know flower shop aus are cliche but a little cliche every now and then can't hurt, right? no idea which ship i'd write this into, though.

2eunbi tragic mcd time for the moon night au: i talk a lot about dreams come true mv, but time for the moon night mv owns my heart just the same. the fic was very introspective about sinb grieving eunha, as well as the other girls grieving eunha in their own way too, all while trying to help sinb in every way they could. this is one of the rare ones on this list i'd actually write as the same ship- 2eunbi (and gfriend lore) will always have a special place in my heart.

mimin neighbors au: this one... ah <3 one of the last fics i wrote in portuguese, a few months after gidle's debut. miyeon wants to bake but realizes she has no sugar, so she rings her new neighbor's bell to ask for some. she was expecting it to be some nice old lady but it's hot ass minnie, then their relationship develops after that. very very sweet, i'm obsessed with this prompt and have imagined it as thousands of other ships, but i'd probably write it as 낌면 again.

✍️ FINAL THOUGHTS
holy shit, collecting data from a bunch of websites + writing this post took me forever, but this post is finally seeing the light of day. genuinely can't wait to see how much the numbers change in the next years. if you made it this far, thank you for reading, as always!

♡