sailor, demon, lover

[pantomimes]

💭💗: autoheart ceos of desperation, toxic relationships and tragic endings of my heart. i've been deep diving their discography after years of listening to a song here and there, and i've been extremely pleased with what i've been finding, to say the least. so, this is me trying to keep track of some of my favorite lyrics as i go.

⚓ from the sailor song:

❝I was your sailor, your demon, your lover
Your overbearing best friend
Hoping for some attention
I saw through your automatic heartache
Now I know that love is as love was
It's downhill from here❞

+

❝I never really had it in me
Did I?
Said I never really had it in me
Did I?
No I never really had it in me
Never really had it in me
Never really had it in me
Did I, did I?❞

💭

you ever had such a strong, deep connection to a song it makes you sick with love? this is me with the sailor song. i found out about this song last year and it became an instant favorite. i couldn't have dreamed a more beautiful, poetic, heartbreaking song. might be on my spotify wrapped top five this year considering how much i've been listening to it. if i had to recommend an autoheart song it would be this one, for sure. (i won't dive on how this song is jackieshauna from yellowjackets but this song is jackieshauna from yellowjackets. i think about them every single time i listen to this song.)

🔥 from we can build a fire:

❝Who in their right mind
Did you think you'd find
Standing behind you, your guardian angel?
Don't be ridiculous, man up, this is it
We can build a fire, I am not a liar❞

🧡 from i know that he loves me:

❝I know that he loves me
I know that he loves me
He comes and he goes
But I know that he loves me
I know that he loves me,
Yes, I know that he loves me
He’s here then he’s gone
But I know that he loves me❞

💭

ceos of desperation!!! nothing too amazing about these lyrics by themselves, it's more about the incessant repetition throughout the song, the trying to convince yourself: i know that he loves me. he loves me. he loves me. he loves me, right?

🐦 from joseph:

❝You came through
Stumbling hard, I knew
Mumbling words untrue
Only to undo
All the good
I had achieved, you would
Stampede all over it
Because you could❞

+

❝Joseph had captured
A bird without wings
Red and gold making shapes in the fire
His anger met silence
Death and the woods
And my freedom was mine to grab, mine to grab, oh❞

❌ from lent:

❝I'll pack it in, pack it in, never smoke anything
Never eat anything that will compromise my health
And, baby, that means you too, that means you❞

🥳 from anniversary:

❝Giving you up?
What are you on about?
Never give up believing in us
Giving you up?
Now why would I do a thing like that?❞

+

❝Hit me hard, I don't care
You can use me anywhere
You can rip, you can tear
Just take the very best of me
I am here for you when you need to undo
All the weight on top of you
Just take the very best of me❞

💭

song so catchy it makes you forget it's about this extremely toxic and codependent relationship... until the bridge comes and you're like oh shit. oh damn. crazy start to an album, for sure. obsessed with how he's like [cites a thousand reasons why he should give this person up] and then he's like: giving you up? why would i do that? legendary.

💔 from heartbreaker:

❝Heartbreaker
You are all that I see
In my immediate future
Heartbreaker
You are all that I hear in my heart❞

+

❝Execute the noise
Make it worth the while
Separate the sound
'Til it disappears❞

🌧️ from agoraphobia:

❝If you gave me all the money
I would buy such ordinary
Things like TV magazines and coffee beans
I have such simple needs❞

+

❝I am dented by the skies
That keep me up at night
And it’s not agoraphobia
It’s just a lack of air supply
That keeps me up at night
I know I’m getting older
But I’m told that I’m not
Momentarily out of my mind❞

+

❝I don’t really want to go anywhere (I will not go)
I don’t really want to go anywhere (I will not go)
I don’t really want to go anywhere (I will not go)
I don’t really want to go anywhere❞

💭

"Autoheart highlights the perspective of the sufferer over the observer in this song, wherein the singer denies the label of ‘agoraphobic’, instead citing what they believe to be rational barriers: Feeling overwhelmed by the breadth of the sky, feeling as if the air outside is too thin. They assert that it can’t be agoraphobia if they are clearly aware of what holds them back, and it’s not that they are afraid of going outside, they simply don’t want to." < um. this song kills me, i literally have to listen to it moderately or else [gunshots]. i'd highlight every little lyric from this song if i could. which i can, but i don't want to make the post look ugly.

🦂 from scorpio:

❝Basically, my epiphany is that I see
You for you, but when you see yourself
All you see is God❞

🙏 from my hallelujah:

❝In the middle of the night
Did you think I'd be alone
Waiting patiently for you to come home?
I'm not the waiting kind
You can't ruin my mind
I'll find somebody else to call mine❞

❝Thought I'd found a new religion
In you, who was I kidding?
There's nowhere to go
Except for under
Quarantine, all of my spite
It hurts too much to fight
You'll never be for me
My hallelujah❞

🤕 from wretch:

❝Save wretch like me
And I will be eternally grateful
More than you'll ever know
So please, save a wretch like me❞

❝Who will save a wretch like me?
Just hold me to the ground
Who will save a wretch like me?
Just hold me to the ground❞